How online apps have ruined dating…and how one app is trying to fix it

As a 34 year old, I am lucky to have experienced dating before the influx of dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and Happn made its way onto the scene. I was with someone for 9 years (and married for 6) and in 2012 decided to divorce him and was left with something very different that the dating world I once knew. I was used to men picking me up for a date, bring a bouquet of flowers for me, and making reservations in advance at a nice restaurant. Sad to say that in the last 4 years, I have had exactly one date that happened that way. But why? My guess is dating apps.

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Guys no longer have to walk up to a woman or call her on the phone and ask for a date. They sign onto Tinder or the like, swipe through a few hundred girls (yikes), and pick the ones they like best. And of course, similar to Facebook, the pictures are of the singles at their finest – full face of makeup, duck lips, the swings at Lawn on D, etc. Guys(and girls) choose based on the quality of the pictures and the resumes: where they went to school, their job, hobbies, etc. Basically online shopping for an actual person! Tinder is a very superficial platform, you won’t get much about someone’s personality just by looking at a few photos and words describing them.

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Soon Tinder, eventually there will be a “match” for two people which opens up the lines for texting via the app. And then more texting. And a little more. Usually at 12:30 at night with a “hey, what are u up to?” I’m sleeping you moron, ts a Tuesday, that’s what I am up to. And so it goes.  The texting continues like this and there is never an actual date planned, I just add another pen pal to my list. Don’t get me wrong, I definitely have friends who go on plenty of dates through these apps, but they are saying “yes” to literally anyone who asks them and going on 3-4 dates a week. People say now its a “numbers game”. I barely have time to do my dishes between work and school and my business and my dog and my family never mind having to sit through 4 horrific dates a week. Nightmares.

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A dating app called Pozee is trying now to reverse the damage done from Tinder et al. The premise of Pozee is to encourage singles to actually meet and talk to each other in person. You must be within 50 meters of each other for them to show in your feed. It helps eradicate the fear of rejection by letting someone know if you are interested or not and let them know you want them to talk to you.  The buttons are “Yes”, “Not Now”, and “Never”. You can choose who you want to be visible to and invite someone over to talk to you using the app. (even as I write this, it sounds ludicrous that this is what meeting new people has come to, but I digress.)  So you can walk into a bar/cafe, switch on the app, and choose who you would like to talk to. No endless text conversations and swiping. This app is definitely filling a void in the dating world by catering to the more social crowd and those actually serious about meeting someone and not just collecting matches. There is no way to message the other party through the app; the user must actually go up and speak to the person they want to meet. The user can either show themselves as available or hidden if they do not want to be approached. Because the app is showing you a photo of another user within 50 feet, it can also easily weed out catfishes. It would be near impossible to pretend to be someone else when the person is sitting right in front of you and you tinder-blogcan compare it to the photo. The app also does not ask for your Facebook information to sign in, which provides more privacy for the user. Pozee is only currently available in Australia, and only on iPhones. An Android version is in the works.   I would be inclined to download it once it becomes available on Androids. Overall this one seems a better choice than the plethora of dating apps out there. Do college students use dating apps at all? If so, what are the more popular ones?

 

 

 

13 comments

  1. adamsmea89 · ·

    I had never heard of Pozee before this post and it is an interesting concept! I do hear similar thoughts from my friends about Tinder and other apps that you expressed…it seems like some people like to just go on and swipe, start texting, but never plan out an actual date which can be frustrating to people who actually want to find someone. Pozee does seem like it is trying to encourage talking face to face, but it does make me wonder why we would even need an app that does this. If you are at the same bar as someone, why do we need an app saying you want to talk to that person? This may be one of those things that sounds strange at first, but it then becomes the norm. I will be interested to see if this app becomes popular once it is more available.

    1. emilypetroni14 · ·

      We shouldn’t need the app, but I think we do. apps like Tinder have lowered people’s social capabilities of striking up a conversation in person, and Pozee is trying to bring that back.

  2. francoismba · ·

    I enjoyed how you connected the topic to your personal experience – it’s interesting to hear how much dating has changed over the years. The first thing that popped into my head when I read this was safety. Most competitors implent messaging so that the two parties can meet in a public location. I definitely wouldn’t want to use this application in a rural area. Also, I think people will only choose to “meet” people who appear attractive in their photo. Do you think Pozee will be able to compete against Match.com and eHarmony?

    1. emilypetroni14 · ·

      refer to my reply to Prof. Kane below. Only people within 50 meters can see you, and you can choose to be hidden or visible to specific people you are interested in. Its not as if everyone on the app can see exactly where you are. its just about breaking the ice when you are already within a few feet of each other but afraid to approach for fear of rejection or if the person is single, etc.

  3. emilypetroni14 · ·

    I actually mistyped above…the app is available in the US, but only on iOS

  4. This is a very interesting post! It is crazy how dating apps have really influenced our social ways of going on dates now and how we get dates now. I wonder though if Pozee is necessary because if it is about face to face talking, why wouldn’t you just go into a bar or social club any way if you want that? Another interesting caveat is how this app is dealing with the safety since it promotes people’s public location to meet up.

  5. Interesting post! I haven’t heard of Pozee before, but it sounds like a really good idea. I wonder if they have enough people yet, though to make it a really valuable platform. Do you know if they’re doing a lot of advertising right now to attract more users?

    There’s so much criticism about dating apps about how they can be so superficial and also just criticism in general about how social media is ruining actual interpersonal relationships because people are talking face to face, so it sounds like Pozee is a good remedy to that situation. It’s likely just a matter of if they can get enough users so that more people will want to use the app.

    I have a lot of friends who use Tinder just to see who is out there without any real intention of meeting them. Some do it just for the confidence boost, other just do it for kicks. So I think for many college students, they’re likely not quite ready for something like Pozee and probably prefer to keep things online and rather impersonal, but for people a bit older and looking for actual relationships, Pozee sounds like a nice blend of social media/dating apps with actually getting to know people in person. It removes that awkward barrier of trying to decide if you should approach someone and helps ease that fear of rejection.

    1. emilypetroni14 · ·

      So they are in beta testing now, and the app launches in a few weeks.

  6. Great post! I enjoyed reading your post, as well as about the topic. Tinder first came out while I was in college, and while initially was created to help people end up in relationships- rarely was this in the case. I am happy to know that there is an app that is reputable and actually aims to create long lasting and real relationships. I also think that over time the hype surrounding “meeting someone online” has diminished, and, alternatively, seems like the more common way people meet. Additionally, it is interesting how some of these apps put the power in the hands of the girls rather than the guy. It is the girl that has to take the initiative to ask out the guy, which seems to be a major societal change as well. Overall, very interesting post!

  7. Nice post! It really is a weird social and dating world out there these days. This is just another example of how having more connections online actually makes us a little less outgoing and interested in what is going on in the physical world.

  8. Nice post. In the past, most of these location aware dating apps have been more creepy than helpful. maybe this one is different.

    1. emilypetroni14 · ·

      I think this one will be different because it only goes up to 50 meters from where you are, so you really need to be in the same venue as another person with the app. you can also show as invisible, so if you do not want to be seen by anyone or only certain people, that is an option.

  9. wfbagleyiii · ·

    Great post, Emily! I am wondering how many more times online dating platforms can be rejigged. As another 34 year old it is absolutely a little sad to see chivalry go by the wayside! Maybe it’d be worth it to add a feature where people can be rated based upon their behavior (i.e. “he/she refused to pay for dinner”)? Regardless, I assume that Pozee’s differentiating factor is the location feature. At least that way if you’re in a crowded bar or somewhere else you can have a little more direction when your soul mate is 50 meters or closer!

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